House of Cards
by dayglo1
Summary: Third in my CJ/Toby post-ep friendship series


Title: House of Cards  
  
Summary: I want to prop up this fragile place/ But I can't do it all by myself/ Cause when we dream it's of the wind blowing cold and hard/ And when we wake up we still live in a house of cards  
  
Author's Note: The third part in my CJ/Toby friendship post-ep series.   
  
Archive: Sure, just tell me.  
  
Feedback: Makes me very, very happy.  
  
Spoilers: Post-ep to And It's Surely to Their Credit, so everything up to there is game.  
  
Disclaimer: Not mine. Don't sue, I have no money. Song's not mine either.  
  
  
  
I grew up in a house like this   
You knew the groan of every stair   
All the walls seemed to listen in   
All the years seemed to take up air   
And when you dreamed it was of the wind blowing cold and hard   
And in those dreams you thought you lived in a house of cards   
  
  
  
After the group had finished singing in Ainsley's office, Toby, Josh, and CJ started back up the stairs to the rest of the White House. Sam had stayed behind to talk to Ainsley. The three walked silently for a ways, all feeling that just maybe, life was coming back around to the way it was supposed to be. However, they all felt that something was still hanging over them, but they didn't know what to do about it. Toby had told CJ about Sam wanting to sue the West Virginia White Pride. They had agreed with Josh's decision that it shouldn't be done, but at the same time they understood Sam's sentiment. They wanted to do something to the group, but what did you do to people who had taken away what they had? What could ever possibly be justice enough?  
  
  
  
And I grew up in a town like this   
You knew the names of every street   
On the surface it looked so safe   
But it was perilous underneath   
That's the place where you shoved your doubts and hid your ugly scars   
God forbid if word got out about your house of cards   
  
  
  
Finally, Josh broke the silence, "do you think I made the right decision?"  
  
CJ and Toby both glanced at him, there was no doubt in their minds what he was talking about. CJ answered for both of them, "Yeah."  
  
Josh took a deep breath and nodded, "Okay. It's not that I wouldn't like to, it's just, I don't think it'd be worth it in the end, and…", Josh paused for a moment, his voice quieter and more terse when he resumed, "What could ever possibly be enough?"  
  
Neither Toby nor CJ had an answer for him, so they remained silent for the rest of the trip back to their offices.  
  
  
  
And now I feel the wind about to blow   
Baby I'm so scared   
We're repeating the past instead of letting it go   
And I don't want to go back there   
  
  
  
When they reached their offices, Josh peeled off to go find Donna while Toby and CJ continued on to his office. Once they reached it, CJ settled into his couch with a heavy sigh. Toby perched on his desk, looking at her. Neither said anything, not knowing what to say at that moment that wouldn't bring up the specter of that warm May evening when everything irrevocably changed.  
  
  
  
Now we're standing here face to face   
Afraid to move or else   
  
  
  
They continued looking at eachother, communicating in silence all that they were terrified to put a voice to.  
  
  
  
I want to prop up this fragile place   
But I can't do it all by myself   
Cause when we dream it's of the wind blowing cold and hard   
And when we wake up we still live in a house of cards   
  
  
  
Finally, neither could stand it anymore and CJ stood up and turned to leave the office. She glanced back at Toby, wanting to ask him if he thought Josh was alright, wanting to ask him if HE was alright, wanting to ask him if anything would ever be completely alright again. But, she couldn't. After all these months of fighting, she didn't have the strength left to put a voice to those questions. So instead, she returned to her office, noticing as she passed the threshold the still cracked molding around her door.  
  
  
  
When we dream it's of the wind blowing cold and hard   
And when we wake up we still live in a house of cards  
  
Fin 


End file.
